I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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