Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
