how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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