dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
