**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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