They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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