My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
