im drinking this country out of the recession.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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