please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
