The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
