If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
