I think I am morally bankrupt
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
