i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
