Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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