Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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