Already got asked if we're dating
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
