what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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