"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
