You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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