this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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