so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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