"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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