Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
