fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
is wine microwaveable?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
