i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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