Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
