How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
