dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
