i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
