I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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