you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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