I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Why are your pants in the freezer?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
