so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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