no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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