Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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