i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
