Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
