Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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