Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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