i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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