All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
