you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
