Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
