my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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