I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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