we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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