Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
