I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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