We're facebook friends in real life
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
