the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
