dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
