I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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