He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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