david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
