I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
