I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
