God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
