I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
